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NANA
By Darcel Joi Jeffers
It's never easy losing a loved one. The first thing you feel is heartbreak. Then, you ask yourself, why me? But most importantly you ask, why her? You want to build a time machine and either try to stop what happens, or warn the person before it happens. But either way, it still happens. Maybe, it was suppose to happen for a better purpose. Or maybe it was God's will. Who knows? But what I do know is that you can do as much as you can for that person, but only God knows the outcome.
I've learned a lot in these last few years. Why things happen? How to control what happens. But I've stumbled upon the same answer each and every time. And you will discover that answer through life. I can't tell you how to learn or what to think. It's yours. It's all yours.
And now, as I sit here today, telling you about my deepest and innermost feelings. I am not only opening myself to you, but to myself as well. I am discovering more about myself and this earth we live on. And I've come to learn what a crazy world this is, indeed. But maybe, just maybe, these things happen for a reason. It could be for your benefit. You may grow through the experience. Or you may not. But it is up to you and God for you to figure out together.
I went through a very depressing and sad part of my life just about a year ago. And I feel like it is still going on. About two and a half years ago, I got some very upsetting news. I didn't think much of it at the time. But I did cry. "How could this happen?" I thought. For some reason though. I couldn't answer. Neither could anyone else. My Nana, the strongest, wisest and aspiring person I knew, was dying of cancer. Just a month before, she was fine. I spent spring break with her. She did seem a little off course. She said her sugar was low. And I being 13 at the time, didn't think much of it. Nana was all right. So I thought it would be the same story. But one day while I was there, she made some crab legs. She warmed up some butter in the microwave. As she took it out, I noticed she seemed a little shaky. All of a sudden, I felt a blistering hot pain on my foot. Nana cried out and quickly put some ice on my foot. I hurt like crazy, but I didn't cry. I tried my hardest not to cry, because it would only make her feel worse. That's when I finally knew, there may be something wrong with her. I wanted to tell that she should go to the hospital, but I knew what she would say.
And today, I am going back there. It won't be easy. And things will never be the same. As I step into the house there is always an emptiness about it, and an empty feeling inside me. But Nana was strong as bull, and so am I. Love Life!
Darcel Joi Jeffers is a writer, an inspiring singer and songwriter. She plays the guitar and keyboard. Look out for this teen who loves the Lord Jesus Christ and encouraging her teen peers.
